Dear Prudence...

It has come to my attention that I may be the most prudent person I know. But that may be because I don't know anybody else better than myself. I mean, I try too hard to maintain a clean image. Never act on strong instincts. I think too much of the consequences. If I like a girl it is quite likely that I won't make the first move, not even when I am drunk. I dont go to places where I may not be welcomed. Don't call a person twice, except if its an emergency of course. Too discreet for my boring sake of being.

When I was in HS i fell in love for the first time, I think, beautiful and amazing girl but she had a boyfriend. I NEVER made a strong move on her but somehow we ended up going to an important party where the boyfriend didn't come. That night I thought I would tell her how I felt but who was to know that I boy that I had never met had the same idea and confessed to her first than me. What happened next?? Well first off, I ended up not saying anything to her that night. But what happened the week after made me sick. She broke up with her boyfriend of two years and started dating this other boy. What the fuck?? Why was I so shy about not confessing first?? Maybe I could have been that other boy but instead I found myself in a spot where I didnt wanted to speak to her again. I still remember listening to Fight Test by Flaming Lips. LOL. Not her fault, though. I guess I was just afraid that if she rejected me she would stop being my friend.

prudent: careful in providing for the future; provident

In college I liked this girl that I never told her how I felt. How did it all ended?? She fucked my best friend. What did i do about him?? Nothing, I stopped talking to him.

prudent: more prudent to hide than to fight

There was this other girl who I also had a crush on. We hung out for like four months. She is a very shy girl who had never had a bf. What did I do to make her my gf?? Nothing. Years later we had a drunk conversation where she confessed to me that she had the biggest crush on me but I never made a move. Her answer to my shyness, fear and prudence of not asking her out was that I was probably gay.

prudence: caution with regard to practical matters; discretion.


Or last week when I was in this room where lots of strange things were happening. Things that I had never seen in person. And I was with this girl who I barely know, but knowing that two of my closest female friends would come. We all wanted to see these "things" but when I actually found myself there I just panicked thinking that my two female friends were about to come in and see me seeing these things with them. I felt so uncomfortable and thought it would be imprudent for me to be there. So I left, they stayed there for like 30 mins. Of course, I regretted this later and when I tried to come back I wasnt allowed to.


Anyways, why am I telling you this?? I been listening to this song that may describe more than one episode of my life.

OK, this pretty much sums up the story of my life. So here are the lyrics to the song:

Girl Afraid

Girl afraid
Where do his intentions lay ?
Or does he even have any ?

She says :

He never really looks at me
I give him every opportunity
In the room downstairs
He sat and stared
In the room downstairs
He sat and stared
Ill never make that mistake again !

Ill never make that mistake again
Ill never make that mistake again

Boy afraid
Prudence never pays
And everything she wants costs money

But she doesnt even like me !
And I know because she said so
In the room downstairs
She sat and stared
In the room downstairs
She sat and stared
Ill never make that mistake again !


And just for the record, people may think that being prudent is a good thing. But the truth is that it has only stopped me from doing the things in life that I wanted to do. So, it may not always be a good trait. And why lie, my definition of prudence might as well be translated to fear.


Lataz,
Boy Afraid

P.S. YES!!! Morrissey with flowers in his back pocket.